Momma gone 20 Years tomorrow...

 It is so hard to believe it has been 20 years since Momma was murdered. It feels like so much has happened that I didn't get to share with her... but at the same time it seems like just yesterday I laughed as she danced at the skating rink. It's increasingly hard to imagine what life would be like if she were here. I miss her so much, I miss everything about her. She had this way of directly telling you what you needed to do that no one else could, in hind site she was not always 100% right, but her intentions were good. My mind often wonders back to the times that she was alive, more often than not it is the laughter and happiness that I remember most. Didn't have much of anything, but was so proud of the little things. The day she was murdered she was making baskets for Teacher Appreciation Day at Belle Chasse Elementary School. The very knife that took her life was a knife of love that she used to make those baskets, honoring the teachers. Such a selfless woman... I can remember her putting things back for herself at the store, so we could have something. I remember it like it was yesterday, at K-Mart... No, they just do not make them like Momma any more. All her dearest treasures, and mine today are things that she paid nothing for... She was an amazing woman, loved by so many... and taken away too soon. I know God has a plan and I know that He has a reason, it doesn't change the hole in my heart that only she could fill. I miss her dearly and wish I could share my life with her. I wish that she could give me advice, good or bad... More than anything I just wish I could hear her laugh and see her dance... I even miss that facial expression she would make to imply that she was greatly disappointed, never thought I could miss that when I was younger. I wish she could have held all my Babies and Loved them the way only a Grandma could... I wish she could have the things that I have, that she could know the convenience of a microwave or a dishwasher. I wish she could have stayed just a little longer... I wish she could hold me and tell me that it will be okay, the way only Momma could. It doesn't feel like everything will be okay, no it feels all wrong and I am not sure life could ever feel right again after loosing her the way she was lost. I don't think people ever go on and live a normal life after a brutal murder. Look at them, they are probably the strongest people you will ever meet... but I bet they all feel the way I do. They say time heals all wounds... Yeah, time does heal, but the scars that are left never go away. They run deep into the heart of all those that loved her... and every part of our lives are affected some how because she is forever a part of us. I hope that my life is keeping her memory alive, I hope more than anything Momma's Memory is ALWAYS A BLESSING... I miss her so much... I miss all the special moments that were stolen, all the laughter and tears that were meant to be shared. I miss the what ifs and the should have beens and the could have beens too... I will forever hold dear and cherish the one's I was blessed to have had. I will share her the only way I can... Memories....